Sunday, August 9, 2009

"This is my season."

A mentor of mine told me while I was pregnant "Enjoy your season.  It's short and enjoy it."  What she was meaning of course is that this little boy I was about ready to give birth to would grow quickly.  And that I had a window or season for me to be the most central person in his life.  I remember these words daily.  It's why I decided to not go back to work even though money would be tight.  This is my season.  It will be for some time.  But I am aware that the day will come when I will release the arrow that I sweated over into the world.  I pray for the woman he will marry daily.  His life is before my eyes.  I pray for a balance of mothering that will allow me to love him deeply but give him up joyfully.  I look into these big blue eyes and see such a future.  A future of standing behind him rooting him on.  Of loving my son unconditionally.  Of picking him up when he falls.  Of guiding his life.  By grace pointing him to the cross.  Of one day by grace seeing him bow His knee to King Jesus.  
I can see it in mothers eyes when I walk past.  Eyes of remembering when they held their children as infants.  Longing eyes that want to remember what it was like to be a new mom.   Eyes that have proudly watch their children age.  I see through their eyes to hearts that have stored up precious memories of their children.  I think it's why all mothers love to hold newborn babies.  
I pray for no regrets here.  I pray to savor every second.  To cherish every moment.  To never wish him to be older or to be at the next stage of parenting.  "This is my season."  I refuse to let it pass by without notice.  I will store up my memories and understand the treasures they are.  I will pray him through every step of his life God-willing.  And one day by grace I will be ready to let him go with no regrets.  The "this is my season" advice is one of the best pieces of advice I have received.  I'm actively storing away memories of him.  The way he smiles first thing in the morning.  The way he lovingly looks at Drew and I.  The precious face he makes when Drew showers him.  The way he kicks his legs when he gets excited.  Memories of him nursing.  The first time he rolled over, the first time him laughed, etc. 
We took Cal swimming yesterday.  It was SO much fun.  He loved it!  Didn't cry at all.  I even put him almost all the way under.  He looked at me like "I trust you Mom."  I personally believe we have the most adorable baby in the world:)  Have I said yet that I absolutely LOVE staying home.  Best job I have ever had!  I'm so thankful that I'm able to stay home this year.  

1 comment:

Annie Brainard said...

Thanks for praying for Hannah! ; )