Wow. I can't believe I have posted twice in the same month. My life is consumed right now for preparing for our little bundle of joy. I think about him constantly. Every kick, every movement, every time I have heard his heartbeat makes me want to cry for joy. Life is precious. God is actively involved in my little child's life. I stand amazed. What a precious gift to be able to carry a human life made after the image of our Creator. I am blessed to be a woman. Yes, I haven't' slept a full night in a few months, I have to make more trips to the bathroom than my 1st graders, I'm more tired, the weight gain has not been a blast, and I can't brush my teeth without almost throwing up. All things considered I have loved the past few months. I cherish these months. Calvin is safe within me right now growing his toes, fingers, and vital organs. I have the privilege of being with him 24/7. He's a person not a fetus. I already feel like I know him. He makes me laugh everyday. He has a name. I love my unborn child. I can't wait for him to be here. I can't wait to hold him, to feed him, to love him, to share him with my family and friends. I can't wait to teach him, to watch him grow, to God-willing one day come to know our Lord. He never leaves my mind right now. I'm praying that James Calvin Krutza will impact the world for Jesus Christ. The Lord is constantly reminding me of who Calvin belongs to. I am fully aware that God is growing Him inside me. I'm so thankful the Lord has chosen Drew and I to aid in molding him into the person the Lord desires. I feel my dependence on Christ constantly. I can not grow Calvin. I can not shape his fingers and toes, but I serve the One who does. I can not save Him. I can not sanctify Him and wash his soul clean. But I serve the One who can. So, I set at His feet and beg for the redemption of my unborn child. I am a dependent child. And this is good for me to remember.
I have also been thinking about my love for someone I haven't even met in relation to God's love for His people.
"Can a women forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are continually before me." Isaiah 49: 15-17
I weep while reading these words. These verses are placed in the middle of exile. Yet our gracious Lord reveals hope and His heart. He will not forget us. We are engraved on His hands. What hope this brings. How deep the Father's love for us. How vast beyond all measure. I need to remember the deep, deep love of our Savior. He loves His children. He has compassion on us even in the midst of our sin. Our names are written deep in His palms. Thank you Lord for you compassion and remembrance of your children. Make we feel stay firm on the reality of Jesus Christ and may His compassion for us never travel far from our minds. May His love compel us to action.
Thank you James Calvin for teaching me already.